hello from london [part twenty-six]

hello friends

i hope you are well. i am fine, ok, maybe a little sad. it feels like everything that was good in my life last week has turned on its head. i secretly wish i was home right now. my world here is so small, it is almost incestuous. there are only so many people i can selfishly burden my problems with. a person at work made me feel really stupid on friday but i only just worked out this afternoon her comment was not directed at me. two people i care about said hurtful things to me, one intentional, the other not. i feel like i make the same mistakes over and over. maybe i should let my brain do some of the talking instead of always going with how i feel and then having to deal with the horrible aftermath.

i spent the weekend trying to make myself happy. i bought bread from broadway market for the first time, a round wholegrain loaf. where has it been all my life? so delicious! i made a cous cous and chunky vegetable soup this week, the bread is a perfect compliment. i did a lot of reading in bed. i finished what i loved by siri hustvedt. i really wanted to like the book because two good friends recommended it but i did not find it believable at all. i did some work at home. aki was away for three days at the end of last week and she left me a list of jobs to complete. i finished them all. the work i did at home was a bit extra. i hope she notices. i found out on friday e k is applying for a sponsor license. do you know what that means? once they get it, it is very easy for them to sponsor someone for work. they just have to fill out the appropriate forms and issue a certificate. i have a review coming up at the end of the month, do you think it is possible to negotiate a pay rise and sponsorship at the same time? i went to see the wrestler today. i love seeing a film by myself, it is so luxe. i did not believe the love story between randy and pam for a second, but regardless, mickey rouke is amazing. his character does things that make him happy but are not necessarily the best idea. same! sigh. i was tempted to rent ‘little miss sunshine’ for the hundredth time tonight because it never fails to make me feel better. i should just buy it. instead i am working on a felt face badge. you know, the girl with feathers and wind in her hair. are you surprised? i am. i have not touched felt in months. maybe this is a good time as any for some felt therapy. i love hand stitching, so old-school.

a certain someone is visiting this weekend. i know the sight of him will make me happy but, of course, that is the problem because we cannot be together and seeing each other is just prolonging the inevitable. do you know what i wish? i wish people could still say things like “i love you” and “i love you too. let us make this work”. why do people not say that anymore? has love lost its ability to move mountains?

thank you for being my shoulder to cry on. i know you are all probably rolling your eyes, thinking the ride we went on together trying to get the e k job was a lot more interesting this the weepy ride i am taking you on now. i wish i had more to show and tell. next week, i promise!

love
o